Dr. Sills suggests that in choosing a mate you need to know what you want, recognize what the other has to offer, make sure the person is available for what you want, accept the package without asking for substitutions, feel good about yourself, learn to screen for what you want and don't want, and look at past patterns in order to make a wise choice.

Dr. Sills describes this book as a "road map of courtship from meeting to marriage".  It is about the developmental stages that a relationship goes through from deciding we are ready and wanting to be in a relationship through the stages from selection to commitment.   This is a good book for those who feel they get lost along the way after meeting someone they might like.

Dr. Hendrix suggests that there are four things we must do to prepare ourselves for partnership:  1) Educate yourself about relationships; 2) Educate yourself about yourself; 3) Train yourself in the skills of relationships; 4) Do what you can to change the behaviors and character defenses that are keeping you from keeping the love you find. 

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Based on Dr. Gottman's extensive research with couples, the book discusses the three styles of problem solving:  validating, avoiding and volatile.  The Four Horsemen of divorce (criticism, contempt, defensiveness and withdrawal) have been linked with divorce predictability and are discussed along with effective "repair" work when there is conflict.

The author covers the stages of love and their biological/hormonal components.  She helps us understand how the stage of "infatuation" lasts about six months and then we need to "keep love alive" by choosing loving behaviors.  The opportunity to be "truly known by another human being" can be most rewarding to those who develop their relationship to this point.

This is the premiere book on Imago Relationship Therapy.  In this book the author explains the reasons we are attracted to our partners and how that attraction provides us an opportunity to learn, grow and resolve the unfinished business of our childhood.  Also contained in the book are exercises that couples can do to become more conscious and improve their relationships.   Highly Recommended.

More about Imago Relationship Therapy

Is our major intention to protect ourselves or to learn about ourselves and our partner?  This book diagrams what happens if we take the path of protection versus the path of learning.  It clearly demonstrates that protecting ourselves may lead to a sense of our personal safety but it doesn't lead to love, intimacy and growth.

Based on the Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program (PREP) that was designed to help couples minimize their risk for divorce.  This approach includes how to de-escalate conflict, avoid invalidating each other, minimize withdrawal and avoidance behaviors, and negative interpretations of the other's motives.  There are also exercises that couples can do together.  Highly Recommended

Relationships can be enhanced with an even more fulfilling passion and intimacy as a relationship matures.  Dr. Love has us take a look at nine areas:   Communication, sexual desire, intimacy, technique, sexual variety, romance, body image, sensuality and passion.  This book is written for couples who have chosen a committed monogamous relationship.  The book includes questionnaires that will help you be more aware of how you perceive yourselves in the various areas.

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This book continues presenting the results of Dr. Gottman's research on what makes marriages work.  The seven principles he presents include 1) knowing your partner, having a friendship, which he calls having a "Love Map", 2) having fondness and admiration for your partner; 3) turning toward versus turning away, which is another way of saying making a connection each other frequently; 4) allowing yourself to be influenced by your partner; 5) solving solvable problems; 6) overcoming gridlock with the perpetual problems; and 7) creating shared meaning and being able to talk openly about convictions.

This book is written by a Personal Coach and is intended to help others in making the changes that lead to a high quality life.  The book offers us a way to assess how we are living our lives so that we can set our priorities and create the life we want.  The author recommends that the first thing we do is identify and eliminate the energy drainers in our life and focus on "extreme self-care" and what fuels our energy, looking at the areas of emotional and physical health, relationships, spiritual well-being, fun and adventure, and finances.

Psychosynthesis is, in theory, the need for synthesis of our various psychological parts which may have been blocked.  The author observes that when we do this we experience "a release of energy, a sense of well-being, and a greater depth of meaning in our live."   The book includes exercises that help us to identify these parts of ourselves.

The author begins by explaining the function of the limbic system, which is part of the brain where the emotions are stored.  An understanding of how our brain works explains how emotions have the power to overwhelm our logical rational self.  Having emotional intelligence, according to the author, consists of the ability to motivate ones self and persevere even through frustrations, control impulses and delay gratification, regulate moods and keep distress from overwhelming our ability to think, and to be able to empathize and hope.

The themes and core beliefs that were learned early in our life become the patterns that may run our life if they are not recognized and corrected.  The authors refer to these negative and blocking beliefs as "lifetraps".  These include abandonment, mistrust and abuse, emotional deprivation, social exclusion, dependency, vulnerability, defectiveness, failure, subjugation, unrelenting standards and entitlement.  There are questionnaires in the book that will help you determine which of these lifetraps are running you and gives suggestions on how to go about making the needed corrections.

The author suggests that lying is the major source of all human stress and that it actually kills people.  Dr. Blanton defines lying as including our misinterpretation of events and withholding information from others.   "Psychological healing is possible only with the freedom that comes from not hiding anymore."  The art of telling the truth enables us to regain a sense of personal power (which does not mean or include having power over others).  The levels of truth telling are 1) revealing the facts, 2) honesty about our current thoughts and feelings, 3) when you admit that who you are is not who you have been pretending to be.   This book has a very important message that I believe is at the foundation of our growth and freedom as individuals.

This is a 12-week program for the purpose of removing the blocks to the flow of creativity within us.  The author suggests the basic tools of daily writing are the "morning pages" (a 3-page stream of consciousness) and the "artist date" which is a block of time you take for a weekly play date with yourself.  This is an inspiring book that will help you not only get in touch with your deeper yearnings, but actually begin to live them.

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